Let’s face it…conflict is inevitable when working with people. You can almost guarantee some form of angst will arise in any relationship no matter its shape or form - whether it be romantic, friendly, political or heaven forbid – some form of rivalry between two top contending sports teams (Go Chargers!).  It should come as no surprise then that conflict happens in the workplace as well.  According to CNN Living in January 2008, human resource managers reported spending “24% to 60% of their time dealing with employee disputes.” Even more alarming was the finding from the same research group that “53% of workers lost time at work worrying about a past or future confrontation with a co-worker.” Yikes! It’s apparent a good number of people are finding themselves in the midst of some discord. Not only are they consumed with the fear of confrontation, but they’re spending an invaluable amount of time trying to avoid “it” rather than learning how to deal with the disruption effectively.

For starters, constructive handling of conflict actually begins with recognizing the triggers.  Competition for resources is one such common prompt with money, time, and equipment at the top of the list for ensuing arguments. Simply reference back to the week at your office that felt like an episode from NBC’s “The Apprentice” and you get the gist. You know - the segment where Personality Type A clashed with Personality Type B over the money incentive?  Their screaming match could be heard long after the episode concluded.

Perhaps the biggest culprit to escalating conflict is found in the act of “missed expectations.”  For example, this is where Jack thinks something has been agreed upon while Jill thinks something entirely different.  Jack may be heard to say “I thought you were going to give me time at the meeting to go over my findings on the Bubonic Plague?” To which Jill responds with a resounding gasp “Why don’t you just run up the hill and stay there?!”  A “missed expectation” is usually the first sign of a confrontation brewing. 

The next time you’re faced with passing “you know who” down the hallway, rather than running in the opposite direction learn to manage the situation head on.  Obviously the best policy is to prevent conflict from occurring by “nipping it in the bud” before it gets unwieldy. The preventative tool is that of frequent, candid and respectful communication.  However, should disagreement arise, then the following may help you navigate this rough terrain:

• Listen well. This should not be interpreted as an opportunity for you to rehearse what you’re going to say after the other person shuts up.  Weird huh?  You would think you should start with some witty come back for the other person when in reality, it all has to do with listening to what they have to say.  Two things happen: First, you’re giving the other person an opportunity to say what’s on their mind (kind of like controlled venting).  Second, by listening AND asking open-ended questions (such as What, Why, When, Where, How?), you will get better data.  This information becomes a powerful tool as you listen for the cues and clues of what the bottom line is really all about.

• Conflict is not a “win or lose” game. Rather than trying to “win” the argument just for the sake of being right (we’re all guilty of this at some point) try to understand the other person’s point of view by being respectful of his/her opinions.  If Jill was more willing to understand why Jack was so adamant about having time to speak in the meeting, she may have found out that Jack had in fact discovered a cure for the Bubonic Plague.

• Pick your battles wisely. Again, as CNN Living said, a whopping majority of individuals waste their energy and company time worrying about conflict. To avoid falling within this statistic, make sure the issue is worth fighting in the first place. That’s half the battle!

• Be the adult in the room. In any given situation we can assume one of three positions: parent, child or adult.  When someone above us takes on a parenting role, we are more inclined to take on the child role, and vise versa.  Rather then acting as a parent (who makes judgments, is critical and uses one-way communication) or a child (who is self centered and whiny), take on the adult role.  By taking this role, your colleagues will view you as someone who asks questions, seeks & provides data, acts respectfully and experienced, uses two-way communication, and is emotionally savvy.

• Know when to simply “let it go.” If there seems to be no resolution and it feels as if you’ve been running circles in a hamster wheel, just agree to disagree. Be the bigger person and let it go!

At the end of the day, conflict is usually just the difference between your needs (perception) and someone else’s.  Don’t hide…be prepared.  Know the common triggers to prevent discord from occurring.  And, if it does occur, then be ready with your power tools to address the disruption before it becomes a full-blown tornado of dispute.   As Horace Mann, the father of American education wisely said “Do not think of knocking out another person's brains because he differs in opinion from you. It would be as rational to knock yourself on the head because you differ from yourself ten years ago.”

Written by Jessica Mendel, Nicole Holt and Yassine Mountassir of ZBglobal